if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
