How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I AM VODKA MAN
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
