meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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