Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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