well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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