wrigley field is MILF paradise
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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