I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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