So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
