i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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