I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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