no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
