I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
