I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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