She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
