I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize