You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
