I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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