just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Couch. On fire.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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