I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
