So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
