I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
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Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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