I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
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You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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