My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
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Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
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Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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