one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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