i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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