Is it normal to miss your booty call?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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