Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Where is the hickey?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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