my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
