Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
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since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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