mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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