Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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