So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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