when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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