he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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