Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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