so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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