He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, beer. Big fan.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got inside last night via doggy door
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
