38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
