He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
