apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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