dude i'm inner monologue high
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
