It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
