There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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