It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
