sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
