you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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