the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
