I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
