I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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