you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
