i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
