well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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