K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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