What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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