if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
