If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
