i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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