Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
