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• (734): View more from Michigan

  hey call me

  (810): View more from Michigan

  can't. in the shower.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  ... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.

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• (209): View more from California

  I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.

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• (914): View more from New York

  We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night

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• (818): View more from California

  Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that

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• (509): View more from Washington

  You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.

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• (585): View more from New York

  yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!

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