I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
