Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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