i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
