It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
