I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
