I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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