giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
