I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
