My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
