When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And my parents said I crawled through the house
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
