we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
