I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
that may or may not have been my penis.
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