can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
