I bet he comes in French.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
