put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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