My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
