operation harelip BJ is a go
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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