The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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