Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
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I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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