i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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