Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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