i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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