Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
