Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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