Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
