tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
