We need to rekindle our bromance
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
